On annoying things about Portland…

I live here because our jobs are here. I’d really rather be East of the Cascades or Montana or even Central Washington…my spirit is really more about pine trees, mountains and wide open spaces than coffee shops, concrete and traffic jams.

But apparently I also value money so we’re here…for better and worse.

Portland is a weird place. People actually have bumper stickers that say “Keep Portland Weird” as if there is some threat to weirdness… like the city is going to be littered with sanity and we’d better work to keep things as absurd as possible. Great.

The worse thing about Portland is how everyone takes themselves so seriously… I mean, Portlanders seriously need to get over themselves.

Bicyclists, for example. It’s not about just riding one’s bike for fun and fitness… now bicyclists behave as if they are a protected minority. They protest stuff. They especially like to be in the way of vehicles then they complain and get all haughty when they are hit by vehicles. I mean, I’ve been a rider of bikes since I was 6 and I learned early on to ride way to the side (THE RIGHT SIDE) of the road. I’ve always tried to stay out of the way of cars, silly me, and—gasp—use hand signals to indicate when I needed to stop and turn.

Portland bicyclists are rude and stupid. They ride slowly, in the middle of traffic lanes, and refuse to let vehicles pass them. They cut people off, ignore traffic rules, and create a danger to themselves and others. Is it so freakin’ difficult to stay to the side of the road and be courteous? I know there are drivers who are rude to cyclists but I’m pretty respectful of them and still I end up behind some jerkwad going 2 mph when he/she could simply move to the side and let me pass. My greatest fun is getting in front of them, going really slowly, and not letting them pass me.

Bikers want more “rights” and a city with more bike friendly features. Great, I’m all for this. However, when you have a freakin’ bike lane—USE IT. You want drivers to respect you but you fail to respect others or traffic laws. And, another thing, maybe we should license bicycles. My car registration fees help pay for the roads… maybe bike registrations could help pay for bike lanes…and force cyclists to follow traffic laws. Cyclists should be ticketed when they don’t follow the rules…hey another source of revenue to pay for our overpriced schools and “diversity” programs.

Portland pedestrians are jerks too. When I cross a street, I use the crosswalk and the signals and I hurry. Most Portlanders fail to do any of these things and saunter across the streets… deliberately trying to piss people off. The trouble is that some dunderhead politicians decided to give pedestrians the right of way no matter what… meaning, walking people do not have to follow any traffic laws and drivers are at fault anytime a walker is injured. Good grief.

Those bumper stickers might as well say “Keep Portland Rude.” What happened to common courtesy? My parents taught me to respect others… when I walk through the malls, I move aside for people… when somebody lets me change lanes, I wave… when it’s night-time, I turn down my music… I actually give people a friendly smile now and then…silly me.

Don’t even get me started about Portland’s absurd government, it’s fascination with political correctness and it’s judgmental liberals. I mean, I always thought being liberal meant tolerance and stuff… you know, being laid back. Portland libs are almost as obnoxious as fundamentalist conservatives. Fundies want to regulate my sex life, child bearing, and religion… PDX libs want to regulate my diet, transportation, shopping locations and reverence for “diversity.”

Common courtesy. Live and let live. Are those concepts so bloody impossible? Apparently… here in Portland… they are.

I’d really rather write humor… and I will but, man, sometimes I gotta just complain.