His commentary arose from a joint camping trip where he, and his family, arrived less equipped than they’d have preferred and subsequently utilized our (and others’) resources to compensate. Afterwards, they went shopping and purchased their own related supplies—such as a camp stove and tent—though these things had been available through borrowing. (He later corrected me and suggested that the commentary also arose from other trips and borrowing...not just this one)
I’ve been pondering his commentary, my own views on sharing, and “The American Way.” My initial (and default) response to his sentiment was that perhaps we did not share as amiably as we should have… My husband and I are only children, after all, and sharing is not something that comes naturally to us. I interpreted it (through my window of guilt) as a suggestion that, since we had the items available, there should be no need to double up and we should be more giving.
Ideally, this is true and for the most part, we are happy to share (once we get past the primal, child-like, internal response of “Mine!”). Also, these friends are usually quite prepared and are very generous people, so it was no real burden to help them. I’m working to be more generous and altruistic…or at least at my façade of being so.
So, my guilt aside, is it The American Way to desire one’s own possessions even if, as he put it, the “community” has them available? Or is it more that we desire others to acquire their own possessions because we don’t want to have to share ours? What are the uniquely American values that contribute to this phenomenon?
Two primary ideals come to mind: self-sufficiency and fairness. Our country exists primarily due to self sufficiency. The initial colonists did not have a tax structure that provided human services, roadways, police protection, food boxes, disaster intervention, etc. I’m sure they were neighborly to an extent, but also had to have the ability to take care of themselves when isolated from others. The same is true of the Native Americans…communal in a sense, but also able to be self sufficient and also willing to contribute. Additionally, this need for self-sufficiency has been reinforced by our history… The Revolutionary War—cutting off our dependency on Brittan. The Civil War—dog eat dog nastiness that called upon the self-sufficiency of all Americans. The Great Depression…where Americans were provided (by Franklin D. Roosevelt) with the opportunity to work for their self-sufficiency.
As to fairness, I can imagine that the first time someone on the Oregon Trail asked their neighboring schooner mates to borrow some meat, meat was provided. The second time, meat was provided but with some grumbling… The third time, I’m sure a gun was offered with the advice, “Get your own damned meat.” Americans are willing to share to a point, as long as there is balance. You borrow eggs from me, I borrow sugar from you…Everyone is fine. You borrow eggs from me, then some sugar, then some flour, oil, a pan…my recipe book, oven, etc…. You’ll have a cake, but I no longer answer the door when you come over.
Yes, we are consumers, capitalists and materialists. Bad dog, no biscuit. However, we also—for the most part—do a pretty decent job of holding our own. In turn, we feel ownership which leads to willingness to protect what we’ve earned, which affords some stability.
OK, well, most Americans.
I’ve worked in social work and government too long, obviously. Where did my heart go? (looking around…sighing)
OK, so, right… The American Way. Let’s loose any expectations for Utopia… we’re human and so, full of flaws and quirks. There is no cosmic right-way of living or ordering ourselves. We are all just travelers and lucky to be here at all. I say, let’s be easy on ourselves…try to share when we can, borrow humbly when we need to, work for (and advocate for) self-sufficiency, and hope for the best. It’s OK to want your own things… to want to carve out your own way of navigating your world... In fact, I expect you to. The key is moderation.
But that’s rumination for another day…
