On Upsides and the Warmth of the Sun....

So, just for fun, I wrote the following satire news story and submitted it to www.demockeracy.com for their weekly contest. I'm guessing my humor is maybe too "local" but I enjoyed myself...that's what counts, right?


The Good News About Global Warming

Dire predictions of apocalyptic heat, wide-spread drought, and other assorted bad stuff have propelled governments and commoners to clamor for global warming initiatives; aimed at reducing the human contribution to this terrifying climate change.

However, some scrappy Oregonians are eager to embrace the benefits.

Blane Blank, rookie meteorologist for News Channel 8 in Western Oregon, crosses his fingers for the predicted strong storms and potential devastation. "I mean, around here, you know…it's kinda dull. Oh sure, we get the occasional little windstorm or a local stream floods some guy's condo. Last winter we had a dusting of sleet. Wah hoo."

Blank is excited about the possible increase in extreme weather. "I can't help it. I ache to report on massive storms and destruction. I'm so freakin' bored right now and if I have to forecast another 'sunbreak' I'm going to…" At this point, Blank's producer beckoned him away for studio business.

Jen Mercer runs the local "Surf & Dive" shop in the small dilapidated town of Sesquoinicakotohmehoho, on the Oregon Coast. Mercer's hair whacked around and her eyes squinted against a rush of chilly drizzle as she discussed her perspectives. "Yeah, this sucks. I mean, it's just like this pretty much all the time. Oh, did you feel the water? It's numbingly cold. Some fools come here to surf and dive but they have to rent dry suits…not wet suits…dry suits. Otherwise, they'll die. Do I hope for global warming? Lord, yes."

Mercer said the Oregon Coast tourism industry would thrive in a warmer climate by a temperate ocean; as she cinched down the hood grommet on her high-tech rain gear. "Yeah, warmth seems to work for San Diego, Hawaii, and Jamaica. Imagine actually enjoying the coast without the plague of hypothermia. Global Warming? Bring it on!"

Oregon Governor Ted Kulongoski admits, "Nobody talks about it, but warmer weather has its perks. Besides, the media is blowing the whole thing out of proportion anyway. What, we're looking at a one degree change per year?" He grins, "That's just more golf days."