On Solidarity in Exhibitionism...

Ah Facebook...

So, the other day I flipped open my iPhone to check my Facebook and noticed a large number of people posting colors for their status...statusez... statusii...statuses... whatever. AT first I thought these colors represented some covert personality profile or current mood. Clearly something cohesive had occurred and I'd missed the memo. Still the colors lacked pizazz... white, beige, black...women wishing they could say leopard but admitted instead to tan. I wondered if the colors reflected a widespread plague of SAD. (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

I inquired and found out that there is some movement... a "girl to girl" campaign that invites other women to post their bra colors in Facebook in order to, ah, show solidarity for breast cancer awareness.

Yeah, OK. Ladies. Please.

First, do you care what color your friend's bra is? (OK, some of you do... you are excused) Yeah, neither do I. Who does care? Um... yeah. And would it be much of a stretch for a guy to think, and probably suggest to his buddies over some beer, a video of "Girls Gone Wild," and a pizza...

"Hey, I got a great idea... You know how women are always posting stuff about causes and shit? Like there's always some dying child who wants cards from everyone as his last wish before he dies... and women email each other and get each other to send cards even though the kid has been dead for like a decade... or didn't ever exist? Or they post stuff about angels and kittycats or about how every moment is precious and to enjoy their mothers while they can and call a best friend today before it's too late?

Well, OK, women are gullible. So what if I email some anonymously and tell them to post their bra colors on Facebook in order to support breast cancer awareness? Wouldn't they totally fall for that?? And then us guys can totally be in on it and see these silly women posting about their bras?"

Second... Ladies... are any of you unaware of breast cancer? Did any of you wake up this morning, read an array of colors and think, "Hey... these colors have informed me about the seriousness of breast cancer... thank goodness because I had no idea about breast cancer and if I did I certainly didn't think other women cared about this enough to covertly post their bra colors on Facebook. I am so much more aware now."

Third, puleeeze. Women in the US are totally sexually repressed. I don't know about you, but the first women I saw posting their colors were the ones who'd never post that if someone just asked them to. The ones who post most days about the goodness of the Lord and various Psalms or about how well they cleaned their houses today or about how cute their child is... or about how the country is going to hell under that liberal Nazi. You know who you are. You are wonderful, all of you, but I'm just sayin'. But, oh man, give them a cause like breast cancer and these little church ladies don't question a thing... they're just instantly delighted to tell you the color of their bra and even whether they're wearing one or not. It takes the barest hint of an excuse and these little angels are all over sharing information about their boobies without any critical thought. Good for them!

I know, I know... I'm such a critic. How dare I point this out? Don't I care about breast cancer and solidarity and kittens and lollipops for dying card collectors and secret bra campaigns?? Don't I understand the importance of female bonding over viral manipulations??? Am I really this cold hearted???? Do I use too many question marks?????

Yeah.

Hey though... my husband got an email for men to show solidarity for prostate cancer by posting the length of their...