On Grannies and Thieves...

I’ve worked in Adult Protective Services for over 3.5 years and now work in Victims’ Services. My dad is a retired police commander. I’ve seen “the dark side of humanity” more times than I care to admit and know how to spot abusers and exploiters.

Unfortunately, having that experience and insight doesn’t mean I’m immune to the effects of such people. Sometimes such people are so good at what they do that, even if you know in your gut they are up to no good, you can’t prove it and have little power to do anything about it.

Which brings me to Karen Oviatt. Karen is a middle-aged deaf woman who somehow found her way to my (also deaf) great-grandmother, "Grammie". A couple years ago, Grammie lived in an assisted living facility, and for many years seemed to enjoy living there. However, once she became friends with Karen, Grammie’s satisfaction with her living situation and her relationships with her family began to change.

It first became apparent to our family when Grammie began to have conflicts with her son. I gathered that the son had been suspicious of Grammie’s new bosom friend, Karen, and made attempts to intervene. Since Karen had paid some pretty nice attention to Grammie and Grammie considered Karen a very close and exciting new friend, the son’s interference was regarded as unwelcome and intrusive. Grammie eventually accused the son of abuse and filed a restraining order against him which I understand he challenged and I was told it was dismissed.

I worked in the county Grammie lived in, and helped many an elder person obtain restraining orders, and know how the courts generally favor the elder… so for that order to be dropped, there had to be some fair evidence that the son was not abusive. I regard this scenario as the first attempt to isolate Grammie from her family. Karen, as the "savior friend," helped "protect" Grammie from her "evil son;" alienating the son and his family from Grammie.

It also caused my grandmother, Nan, to ally with Grammie and Karen against the son. Grammie and Karen played on Nan’s sympathies and had Nan fairly convinced that she needed to save them from the "evil son." Both Grammie and Nan have always been highly responsive to anyone who paid extra attention to them and told them what they wanted to hear, and Karen was very good at that. It was a perfect fit and positioned Karen to eventually benefit from the situation.

The assisted living facility was reportedly not fond of Karen for reasons I do not know (I've heard rumors, but I can't confirm them...so I'll stick to what my own family has experienced). But family members reported that Karen was not welcome there and since Karen was Grammie’s new best friend, Grammie found this pretty frustrating. Grammie then moved out of the facility and in with Karen to a small, low-income, apartment.

Nan, my grandmother, began to give them money. She felt sorry for Grammie and couldn’t say no when asked. The next thing we heard, Karen and Grammie were trying to recoup some property Grammie had, ages ago, given to another daughter and so they hired an attorney and claimed Grammie had been tricked at the time. (Incidentally, they have no case for this and there is even a letter written by Grammie way back that suggests Grammie willingly gave up the property...For that matter, Grammie had been living on Medicaid--on thousands of dollars of tax payer money--for years so any property she recovered should by rights pay back the Medicaid dollars) Yet, somehow, with the whiff of financial gain in the air, it became Grammie and Karen’s mission to prove that the daughter stole the property. So, this accomplished two things… One, it alienated yet another child of Grammie’s and, two, it caused Nan to give them even more money.

Incidentally, there has been this vacillation between suggesting Grammie was duped by the daughter--due to her age/vulnerability--and yet supposedly of sound enough mind to accurately judge Karen's character. To my way of thinking, it can't be both ways. Either Grammie is not of sound mind and easily taken advantage of (equally vulnerable to her family and Karen) or she's sharp and able to make her own (bad) decisions. Anyway...

Nan was pretty much willing to believe that both of her siblings were terrible… it made Nan feel self-righteous and altruistic at a time when she needed to feel relevant. She expressed concern to me that she was probably giving them too much money and that she "should watch it" so she would have enough to live on; but she also told me that she just couldn’t say no. Then, she had some health issues, and Karen and Grammie stayed with her to help her recover. She felt pretty indebted to them.

Eventually, after Karen had ample opportunity to scope out Nan's home filled with semi-valuables, to learn that Nan can’t say “no,” and that Nan had some $$; Grammie suddenly hating living in the apartment and asked Nan if she and Karen could move in with her.

Nan couldn’t say “no,” and so the duo moved in about 6 months ago. Nan wasn’t entirely happy with the arrangement and still expressed concerns to me about the costs… Nan paid for cable and internet service (two things she didn't use herself), a separate phone line (that Nan didn't use for herself), and other things in addition to food and utilities. Nan knew Grammie and Karen subsisted on Social Security so she felt she had to help out. In fairness, it was her choice to do so.

I always wondered why Karen had latched on to great-grandma… a woman who had very little income and no assets. (Now, until Karen arrived, Grannie was a great lady... a role-model for many family members so it made sense that she'd attract friends... yet something just didn't smell right) Until they moved in with Nan, a woman who had some $$ and significant assets. (Lightbulb) I was not happy with the arrangement and expressed concerns that Karen might be exploiting them, but this fell on…forgive me…deaf ears.

Nan became suddenly ill in March and died a week later; three months after Karen and Grammie moved in. Within days of her death, Karen began going through Nan’s things and setting things aside that “Nan said” she could have. Considering that Nan always assumed Grammie would die before Nan, it seemed highly unlikely that Nan would do the “when I die, you can have such-and-such,” routine with Karen...someone who was not a family member. Plus, how invasive and strange for this Karen to feel entitled to our Nan's life like that...?

Karen also, like Gríma Wormtongue, convinced Grammie that she could not trust her other family members. Karen hovered around and made nasty faces at us all through the time we were trying to cope with Nan’s death; interfering with our family’s grief process and further alienating Grammie from us. In hindsight, we should have emptied out the house of Nan’s possessions (we suspected Karen would steal and had been stealing from the house) but we hesitated because we didn’t want to upset Grammie.

Incidentally, Nan had a very clear and recently updated will that left her assets and possessions to specific family members (not Karen). In regards to Grammie and Karen living in Nan's home, we explored the feasibility of them continuing to live there but so distrusted and disliked Karen by this time that none of us believed it was a good idea to subsidize her. Alternatives were presented to Grammie for her to live with or near other family members--without Karen in tow. But this just made the two mad at us.

In the end, Grammie opted to move away with Karen and, as I’d suspected would happen, they stole the bulk of Nan’s possessions (things willed by her to other family members) from the house when they moved. I never figured Grammie to be that kind of person...who could justify stealing from her descendants. I wonder what it is about Karen that caused Grammie to compromise her morals like that... They even managed to engage the moving help of local LDS kids and some other friends who would probably be shocked to find out they were accomplices.

Grammie still thinks Karen is wonderful and, at 99 years of age, with Karen’s influence, she has managed to become alienated from just about every member of her pretty large family. I suspect, once Grammie dies (or, hopefully, figures out that Karen has tricked her), Karen will move on to another elder, another family, and make her sad way through the world.

The worst part isn’t the stealing; stuff is just stuff and we can remember Nan other ways. The worst part is that we couldn’t just come together as a family and do what we needed to do. There was always Karen; lurking, scheming, lying, and interfering. The worst part is that, at the end of 99 year old Grammie’s life, she has only stolen property and a thief to show for it. The worst part is how Grammie was so influenced by Karen Oviatt that she somehow justifies stealing from her family (a family that has never stolen from her) and is willing to do anything Karen wants.

I write this for two reasons. One, to vent my frustrations (I'm human and this has been so frustrating); and two because I suspect that Karen Oviatt (and others like her) will be on the prowl for her next victims someday soon. Maybe someone will do as I did, and Google her name, and maybe they’ll find this story and maybe they can keep Karen from latching onto one of their vulnerable family members.

Just remember...she's very good at this and very patient. It took her years to get close enough to these women to be in a position to steal from my family and in the meantime, she's been able to live off of them. She presents as very simple, naive, and cooperative...It was difficult to know what she was up to until it was too late. If a stranger shows undue interest in an elder or disabled person, there is almost always a deception.

Thanks for listening. :-)